


this may or may not be what you wanted as your favorite song

by blanchtt



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Fix-It, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:43:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blanchtt/pseuds/blanchtt
Summary: She’d never planned on having a second kid. One was already almost too much when she was younger, especially considering her shit-show of a life.But the house is too big and too empty, S gone and Felix off to New York, and when no one speaks up – no one can, with Alison already taking Helena and Cosima and Delphine just recently reunited – Sarah can’t stay quiet.





	this may or may not be what you wanted as your favorite song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Agogobell28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agogobell28/gifts).



> Guess who forgot a title!
> 
> Anyway. Art is a good guy, but I don't see Sarah putting the let's-leave-Charlotte-with-him idea forward.

 

 

 

 

 

She’d never planned on having a second kid. One was already almost too much when she was younger, especially considering her shit-show of a life.

 

But the house is too big and too empty, S gone and Felix off to New York, and when no one speaks up – no one _can_ , with Alison already taking Helena and Cosima and Delphine just recently reunited – Sarah can’t stay quiet.

 

“Charlotte can come with me,” she says definitively, because there’s no way they’re going to leave their little sister behind.

 

 

-

 

 

The irony strikes her later, while she’s setting up Fe’s bedroom. Kira sits on her hands and bounces up and down lightly on the bed.

 

“How long is Charlotte going to stay with us?” she asks, and Sarah tries not to wince at that, at her own history of coming and going.

 

“As long as she wants,” Sarah replies truthfully, and closes the closet door. There are hangers and drawers ready for Charlotte's things, and she’s dusted everything and discarded Felix's various paraphernalia. She turns, surveys the room, and finds it’s in pretty good condition.

 

“Alright, Monkey,” Sarah says, and motions for Kira to follow her. She’s surprised when Kira lurches over, grabs her waist, and giggles, Sarah half-carrying her out of the room in amusement. They’ve left the monkey-swing in the past, though, and so instead Sarah slips out of Kira’s grip, laughs, and races her downstairs.     

 

 

-

 

 

The last time she saw Charlotte was the first time she’d met her.

 

Deep down, Sarah wonders hard about it all, having been in the same position herself. But she shakes her head, disregards the thought just as quickly as it comes. She’d been dumped on enough people with no say in the decision to know she’d jump at any chance to stay with family, no matter how tenuous that distinction might be.

 

And besides. They’d given Charlotte a choice and she’d said yes, and so Art brings her over and she says her goodbyes and sets her things up in her room and comes down to eat and it’s only too easy to have breakfast for dinner and suddenly have two tiny people to remind not to get syrup in their hair or chew with their mouths open, instead of just one. Convincing them to sleep after all that sugar is difficult, and once Sarah’s passed out in bed she’s still aware of unsubtle footsteps, whispers, and lights left on out in the hallway.

 

Charlotte is quiet in a way that Sarah’s entirely unused to, but within a few days it’s clear each of them harbors some sort of impulsiveness deep down, and Kira, Sarah can see a little proudly, is her own brand of influence.

 

 

-

 

 

It’s all surprisingly smooth, and she wonders if that means she’s fucking it all up.

 

She’s sure she’s a poor substitute for Siobhan, who she wishes were still there for so many different reasons now, and she’s sure she’s a poor substitute for Cosima, who it’s clear Charlotte had the most rapport with. 

 

Cosima still asks about her, and is clearly the most devoted aunt. But a rapport does not a mother make, and so Sarah tries anyway.

 

It takes her a few months to comprehend that she’ll never be Charlotte’s mother, or Cosima, or friend. But she’s older and wiser and can be there for Charlotte regardless, and she is _something_ , because it’s not Kira or Alison or Cosima that Charlotte likes to show her little notebook full of scientific drawings to, but to her. Despite the excellent manners and killer grades, Charlotte is still only nine.

 

They’ve walked home from school one day and are taking off coats and boots in the foyer, Kira already having tossed her things off and sped upstairs. 

 

Sarah hangs up her own jacket, aware that a second pair of little feet hasn't gone stomping up the stairs, and so she turns, catches sight of Charlotte sitting and working her mittens off, and bends down, kneels in front of Charlotte and works the boot off her weaker leg, though she lets Charlotte take off the other one.

 

She catches Charlotte’s eye, gets a grateful smile from her, and clears her throat before asking, “What’d you draw today, babes?”

 

If she thought Charlotte was smiling before, boy was she wrong.

 

They settle on the couch, and she nods along as Charlotte opens her sketchbook and splays it over both their laps to explain what each part of the plant's anatomy is, more than a little lost but certain she should be proud nonetheless.

 

 

-

 

 

“You doin’ alright?” Felix asks over brunch – a self-serving sort of belated thirty-second birthday celebration for her – and Sarah reaches up, drags a hand through her hair and squints in thought.

 

She thinks of Alison, who took _all_ the kids shopping for back to school stuff, thank Christ, and of Cosima and Delphine, who brought pizza and movies Tuesday night so the adults could hang out in the kitchen drinking, and how nothing could be more different than trying – and failing –to raise Kira on her own.

 

“Yeah,” Sarah says, finally. There is still a part of her that hurts, no one to turn to to say _look what Kira drew today_ or _Charlotte kicked ass at soccer this afternoon_. But it’s an easy answer to come to, with everyone’s help. She knocks back her mimosa, returns Felix’s smile, and nods. “Yeah. I am.”

 

 

-

 

 

She never imagined herself going to parties in Bailey Downs every other weekend, having regular and much-looked-forward-to babysitting duty on Thursdays, and buying chips and guacamole at the supermarket with money from a job she has.

 

But she heads over to Alison’s glady for the twin’s first birthday, Felix riding shotgun with the presents and the girls in tow and talking about something together in the backseat, their contribution to the barbecue safely nestled beween them.

 

She skirts the kitchen quickly, avoids getting roped into helping with something, and sits in a lawn chair, one of her nephews in her lap – she still can’t tell them apart, but Helena points to some little difference of his as she walks by and says that it’s Arthur, and Sarah takes her word for it.

 

It’s a familiar pattern, and soon enough the party gravitates outside.

 

The girls come and sit on either side of her, Kira making faces to try to get Arthur to laugh, and so Sarah reaches an arm around her shoulders, pulls her close and drops a kiss to Kira’s head, knows she’s getting too big for it and that it embarrasses her and doesn’t care. And she reaches out again and lays her other arm around Charlotte’s shoulders, too, and feels Charlotte lean against her, a head on her shoulder.

 

At least, for a couple of seconds.

 

The two of them are off a minute later, giggling and taking little Arthur with them in what feels a bit like a con that she just fell for, and Sarah feels Helena fill the void quite literally – an elbow digs into her side, Helena’s hair tickling her shoulder, and Sarah takes little Donnie from her, lets Helena at the chips and guacamole she brought especially for her.

 

 

-

                                                                                              

 

Sarah walks them both to the first day of school, leaves them by the front gate, and gets twice as many hugs as she once did, and smiles and waves goodbye through happy tears like she always does.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
